A trip to the Amazon rainforest is not for the faint of heart. In my third letter to my son, I write about both the awesome and the difficult aspects of a trip to the Amazon rainforest, Brazil.
Dear Kid,
In 2014, back when your mom and I were fresh-faced graduate students, we journeyed deep into the Amazon rainforest as part of a trip to Brazil.
In this letter, I break down the awesome things that we experienced in the Amazon, as well as the difficult things that we had to deal with throughout our trip.
An excursion to the Amazon is definitely not for everyone. I’m pretty tolerant when it comes to roughing it while traveling, but one of the most miserable nights of my life occurred on this trip.
Join me on an expedition into the Amazon, then decide for yourself whether you’re hardcore enough to follow in our your parents’ footsteps!
THE GOOD
The Amazon is a gorgeous setting
In my previous letter about the African safari experience, I raved about the beauty of viewing wildlife amidst the great plains of Tanzania. The Serengeti is beautiful in a simple, peaceful kind of way, but the Amazon is beautiful in a way that stimulates all of the senses.
The rainforest itself is a gorgeous medley of plants, shrubbery, and trees. According to the World Wide Fund for Nature, the Amazon is home to over 10% of the world’s known biodiversity. Some sections of the rainforest canopy are so dense that no sunlight penetrates through, which is a welcome effect considering the strength of the sun near the equator.
You know those apps that play rainforest sounds for relaxation purposes? Well, hearing actual rainforest sounds in person is exponentially more relaxing! Trees rustle, birds sing, and other animals chime in to create a cornucopia of white noise that would soothe even the most anxious person. My favorite part about rainforest sounds is their mysterious origins: “I don’t know what’s making that obscure noise, but I bet it’s some unusual animal that I’ve never heard of before!”
JUST KIDDING – We love you and can’t wait to show you the world!
As if the rainforest wasn’t enough, the Amazon is home to a certain river that you may have heard of. According to Britannica, the Amazon River is over 4,000 miles long, encompasses six countries, and is the largest drainage system in the world. The sound of flowing water adds another level of sweetness to that rainforest white noise. Also, the river makes for a killer sunrise and sunset foreground:
– random wisdom from a Caribou Coffee cup that I got from the Mall of America in 2013 and still inspires me to this day
On top of it all, the Amazon is in the middle of nowhere, and you know from my previous letter how much I love that! I remember pulling up Google Maps on my phone during our trip and seeing my GPS marker in the middle of a gargantuan green splotch. With minimal technological development in sight, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell whether it’s the 21st or 1st century in many areas throughout the Amazon (although sadly, deforestation poses a threat to this). If you’re looking to stimulate your senses within a gorgeously remote environment, book a trip to the Amazon rainforest!
There is an abundance of wildlife-viewing opportunities
Before reading my letter about the African safari experience, you probably could’ve guessed many of the animals that we encountered in Tanzania. I bet that you can’t do the same for our trip to the Amazon! According to World Atlas, the Amazon rainforest is home to over 2,000 species of animals. Here are the coolest animals that we saw:
4. Pink dolphin – Yes, this creature does exist! When I first heard that we might see Amazon river dolphins, I envisioned them looking exactly like a gray dolphin, but colored pink. Instead, I found that they’re dorkier looking and splotchier than their highly-photogenic, gray relatives.
3. Piranha – Before our trip to the Amazon, I had only known piranhas as the lethal force in movies that tore up anyone that fell overboard. I was simultaneously fascinated and terrified when our guide brought a piranha onto our boat and demonstrated the power and speed of its bite. The piranha destroyed part of a leaf in a split second!
2. Caiman – On our first night in the Amazon, we set off on a boat to find caimans, a reptile smaller than a crocodile and most closely related to an alligator. While searching along the river, our guide, without any explanation, stood up, waited as our boat driver eased us toward the shore, and dove into the water. About fifteen seconds later, he emerged from the water and climbed back into our boat. Much to our surprise, he was holding a small caiman! Leave it to the crusty-old British guy on our tour to jokingly hypothesize that the caiman had been strategically shackled underwater to stage what appeared to be a shockingly amazing feat.
1. Sloth – You’ll probably learn about these fantastic mammals through the Disney animated film Zootopia, or through your Auntie’s obsession with all things sloth-related. There are a couple of reasons that sloths are a joy to encounter in person. First, they look like the most content, pure-hearted creatures on Earth. Second, they move so slow like the people in Quicksilver’s X-Men scenes. I cannot think of a more bizarrely silly animal. If you don’t like sloths, you have no soul.
There are lots of fun things to do
Unlike on an African safari where you basically just view animals, there are fun, unique things to do in the Amazon. I love me some power rankings!
5. Trident fishing – I’m not a fan of regular fishing, but I can get into trident fishing! Can you blame me for preferring to wield a trident like King Trident, instead of sitting around holding a pole for three hours? I didn’t actually catch anything in the Amazon, but I do have a distinctly fond memory of a jabbing the trident at a radically-colored fish and getting oh-so-close to a successful kill.
4. Hiking – As a kid, who am I kidding, as both a kid and a child, I have thoroughly enjoyed eating at Rainforest Cafe restaurants. This fantastic restaurant chain boasted an ambiance curated to simulate a rainforest, complete with occasional thunderstorms and mechanically-powered robot animals. I speak in the past tense because, sadly, this restaurant chain will probably be long gone by the time you read this. Look on the bright side – You can experience the real thing by hiking through the Amazon! During our hikes, we experienced a bunch of cool things: spotted various creatures (mammals, birds, insects), ate exotic fruits, swung from vines like George of the Jungle. Your mom even ate a bug!
3. Cruising – People love cruising around in their cars, but I’ll take cruising in a motorboat down the Amazon river any day of the week! There’s nothing like sitting back and watching the edges of the rainforest fly by to the hum of an engine as the wind hits your face. It’s even more magical to cruise at night, as the shrouding darkness adds another layer of enchantment to the river.
2. Swimming – Whether its swimming at the base of a waterfall or hungover in a hotel pool, I love swimming. Swimming in the Amazon River is definitely near the top of my “favorite swimming experiences” list. It was hot as hell, so the cold water felt gloriously refreshing. The sounds of the surrounding rainforest made for an unbeatable ambiance. The cherry on top was that we were able to use the boat as a base from which to jump off and do flips and shit. I was in Nirvana.
1. Holding wildlife – An African safari is a tease in that you’re so close to the animals, but you can’t touch them (not that you would want to touch / risk getting eaten by any of the predators). This isn’t the case in the Amazon; your mom and I held a caiman and sloth! Holding a caiman felt exhilarating (hold onto its mouth tight or it will bite you!), but holding a sloth felt surreal. If you told me that what I actually held was one of those fake animals from the Rainforest Cafe, instead of a real sloth, I honestly would not be surprised. Due to their extremely sluggish and stiff nature, sloths are trippy (another great word that you Opa engrained in me as a child) as hell to hold!
Honorable mention: visiting a local’s home. We essentially toured a local family’s property off of the Amazon River. There are two random-ass things from the local’s home that I’ll never forget: 1) The Jesse Pinkman-sized sound system, and 2) The best view from a dish washing station that I’ve ever seen.
A bunch of other good stuff
- The food served in the Amazon is solid – You can’t go wrong with fresh fruit and fish!
- The Amazon provides prime stargazing opportunities – Pro trip, kid – Anytime you find yourself in a dark, isolated location where the closest metropolitan area is hundreds of miles away, look up into the night sky and soak in those stars. Stargazing opportunities like that in the Amazon make me appreciate the astronomy class that I took in college. Even if you’re not versed in astronomy, download an app beforehand and find those constellations!
- Visiting the Amazon is a great excuse to explore other parts of Brazil – If you’re flying all the way to Brazil, you might as well build other parts of the country into your itinerary! Spend some time in Manaus, a really cool gateway into the surrounding Amazon. This small town is home to, among many other cool things, an impressive European-style theater, as well as the best damn churro (filled with dulce de leche) that I’ve ever eaten (purchased from a random stand at the mall). Rio de Janeiro, with its sweeping ocean views, lively beaches, and a nightlife scene that won’t quit, is one of my favorite cities in the world. I haven’t been to Sao Paulo or Florianopolis, but I’ve heard great things (if you go, take me with you, kid!).
THE BAD
It’s uncomfortably humid
Due to its proximity to the equator, the Amazon rainforest is characterized by high humidity. While the humidity in Hawaii can feel uncomfortable at times, the humidity in the Amazon pretty much always feels uncomfortable. Even in the shade and at night, you’ll probably be sweating.
What really makes the humidity a legitimate challenge is the lack of air conditioning at most Amazonian accommodations. Due to isolation and inaccessibility, electricity is a scarce commodity throughout much of the Amazon. Your accommodation will probably have a wall fan, but if the power goes out (which it did multiple times during our stay), best of luck trying to sleep!
If you’re anything like your Lola and are miserable in the heat (she’s definitely more of a cold-weather traveler!), I suggest that you plan a trip somewhere further away from the equator.
As I mentioned in the intro, I spent one of the most miserable nights of my life in the Amazon. The power went out for that entire night, so our wall fan could not help in our battle against the heat. Earlier that day, we had hiked through the rainforest, so we were riddled with dozens of mosquito bites that were made even more itchy by our sweat. We were off of the grid with no reception or Wifi. In short, we were sweaty, exhausted, itchy, and had no Internet to help lull us to sleep. Luckily for your mom, she was able to fall asleep a few hours before I did. I killed time by browsing the Lonely Planet Brazil guidebook far too many times more that I needed to. I busted out my phone and admired the location of my Google Maps GPS marker. I opened notepad on my phone and created my fantasy football player rankings for a draft that was still seven months away. That night was a living hell, but we survived, and it didn’t ruin the rest of the trip! Whenever I’m faced with a crappy situation while traveling, I harness my memories from that night to help me power through.
You will probably be roughing it
In my letter to you about the African safari, I mentioned that the definition of “roughing it” is relative to the living conditions that you’re used to. Luxury accommodation does exist in the Amazon, but will cost you some major dough.
Mid-range accommodation in the Amazon is comparable to that in the Serengeti, except that you sleep in a hut instead of a tent. As is in the Serengeti, accommodations have most of your basic hotel amenities, including a bed, chairs, and tables. Our bathroom in the Amazon, a step up from our bathroom in the Serengeti, was equipped with a high pressure toilet and shower. In other words, unlike in the Serengeti, we didn’t have to take bucket showers or put the staff at risk of a nighttime animal mauling!
The most “roughing it” component of Amazonian accommodation stems from the combination of a humid-as-hell climate and lack of air conditioning. Wall fans do help, but the circulation of hot air only goes so far in terms of relief.
To further demonstrate how miserable our night without power was, the next morning, a young couple on our tour straight up cut their trip short and left! Apparently, a night without a wall fan was too torturous for them; they weren’t hardcore enough for a trip to the Amazon. If they had read this letter, I bet that they wouldn’t have visited the Amazon in the first place!
The mosquito threat is a major nuisance
Mosquito bites suck because they itch and carry the risk of sickness. I‘ve traveled to plenty of places where mosquitoes were a nuisance, but fending off mosquitoes in the Amazon is a constant endeavor.
Putting on sunscreen is annoying. Putting on bug spray is also annoying. Putting on both sunscreen and bug spray is a pain in the ass. It also just feels gross to have your skin lathered in a sticky, greasy, smelly concoction.
Another annoyance is sleeping under a mosquito net, which hangs from above your bed and prevents mosquitoes from feasting on you while you sleep. Having slept under a mosquito net when I studied abroad in Ghana, the act of simultaneously slipping under the net into bed while making sure that no mosquitoes passed was a familiar but unwelcome routine to me.
Amazonian mosquitoes are relentless. I have two quick stories that illustrate their tenacity:
For our hikes through the rainforest, your mom and I were advised to cover up our skin to minimize mosquito bites. As such, both of us decked ourselves out in long sleeves and pants. After one fun but sweaty hour exploring the rainforest with our guide, we returned to our hut and made two alarming discoveries.
First, your mom had been bitten by mosquitoes THROUGH HER SHIRT. It’s not like she was wearing some cheap tank top; she was wearing a decent-quality athletic shirt. These mosquitoes had changed the game.
Second, I had been bitten by mosquitoes in a line across the top of my forehead. The rest of my body hadn’t suffered too badly, so why did the mosquitoes chow down on such a concentrated area? The answer was that, because I had been sweating profusely throughout the hike, I had regularly wiped sweat, and consequently, bug spray, off of my brow. The mosquitoes identified a weakness in my defenses and capitalized on it for a tasty meal of Pinoy blood!
The moral of the story is that Amazonian mosquitoes should not be underestimated. A trip to the Amazon poses a challenging conundrum though, as you have to balance covering your skin with thick clothing to defend yourself from mosquitoes versus wearing light clothing so that you don’t overheat. The struggle is real, kid!
A bunch of other bad stuff
- It’s a trek to get to the Amazon – Depending on where you’re originating from, the trek to the Amazon isn’t as bad as that to the Serengeti, but it’s still a trek. If you’re flying from the west coast of the United States, you’ll have to book a flight package that probably takes you to the southeastern United States, to a major city in Brazil, and to a gateway town in the Amazon. Then, you’ll travel by car to a boat dock, and finally, take a lengthy motorboat ride to your accommodation in the Amazon.
- The answer to, “Can you hear me now?” in the Amazon is a resounding “NO” – In the Amazon, you’ll more than likely be completely off of the grid. I personally like being off of the grid (except when the power is out on a hot, sticky night), but I’m sticking this bullet under THE BAD for safety reasons. In the Amazon, you have no Internet access, no telephone reception, and the closest hospital is probably over an hour-long boat ride away. Be careful out there, kid – Help is FAR away!
- The Amazon is a dangerous place – As long as you choose a reputable tour company and follow your guide’s instructions, you should be fine. Your safety is still at risk in the Amazon, though the risk is small. Watch where you swim! Anacondas, caiman, and Candiru (aka penis fish) could end your life (or in the case of a Candiru, your manhood). Stay with your guide! With no reception and a smartphone GPS marker that’s nowhere close to any Google Maps landmark, if you get lost, death by starvation, dehydration, or animal awaits. In fact, I better enroll you in the Boy Scouts or have you watch the TV show Survivor Man religiously. Otherwise, if you get lost in the Amazon, I’ll have to find myself a new heir!
THE BOTTOM LINE
The Amazon rainforest is ripe with tantalizingly unique experiences. The setting itself is gorgeous and constantly tickles your eardrums with world-class white noise. The wildlife viewing (and holding) opportunities are abundant. Unlike in the Serengeti, there are lots of fun things to do in the Amazon.
If you aren’t hardcore enough though, you may be miserable in the Amazon. The intense humidity, ruthless mosquitoes, lack of air conditioning, and the possibility that a power outage strips you of your one weapon against the heat, your wall fan, will test even the most seasoned traveler’s resilience.
I’ll do my best to raise you to be adaptable enough to awaken that beast from within and rough it when needed. If you turn out to be one of those people that are made miserable by a drop of sweat or a single mosquito bite, no problem. Just don’t book a trip to the Amazon because you ain’t hardcore enough!
Love,
Dad
P.S. I worked on this letter during the final month of your mom’s maternity leave. As I write this sentence, I’m lying on a mattress on the ground as you slumber in your crib next to me. Your mom and I are full of anticipation, as we fed you solid food for the first time today (avocado fan in the house!) and are hoping that it helps you take one step closer to sleeping through the night. We believe in you, kid!